She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
