Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Randomize
