Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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