Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
