So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize