I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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