she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Randomize
