If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I enjoy the company of your penis
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