just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
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