so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Ladies don't puke and tell
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Randomize
