she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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