no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
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I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
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Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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