If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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