is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
