I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
