I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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