I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
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