This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
