I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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