Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Randomize
