so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
