I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
