I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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