We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
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