I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
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