listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
