your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish my penis had a tongue
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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