they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Randomize
