If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
