She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
