i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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