as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
