There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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