i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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