Duck Duck Cougar?
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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