i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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