I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
