As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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