i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We don't watch enough power rangers
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
