He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
