bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
