If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Randomize
