so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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