So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
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I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
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I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
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