i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize