So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
