Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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