Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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