just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize