Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
