Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
