I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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