You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
