He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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