I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize