she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
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I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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