Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
The feeling are messing with the penis
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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