its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
