so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
