im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Randomize
