Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
