the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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