the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
