Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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