your thong is hanging out like whoa
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
