Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
