After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Someone shattered a urinal.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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