I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
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You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
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I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
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