I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
