Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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