Soap is not a condiment
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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