Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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