maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
