You can't motorboat a personality
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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