My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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