why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
