I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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