He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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