he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
