I wish I only lived at night.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Randomize
