Are we in a gay sports bar?
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
