i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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